For the fourth instalment of the Care for Kids x The Parenthood Podcast content series, Leonie talks about something many parents deal with but rarely discuss openly – setting boundaries with extended family or friends who might (unintentionally) create stress in your relationships. From the "helpful" know-it-all mother-in-law to that friend who offers unsolicited advice on everything from nap schedules to snack choices, these situations can be as tricky as they are frustrating.
The Challenge of Well-Meaning Loved Ones
It’s tough when someone close to you crosses a line, especially when you know they mean well. Loved ones often genuinely want to help, but their advice or actions can add pressure, especially during an already overwhelming time like parenthood. Small interactions, like remarks about feeding choices or bedtimes, can pile up and leave you feeling drained.
What’s even harder? These moments can stir up unexpected tension in your relationship with your partner. You may wonder how to address it without ruffling feathers or damaging your own connection. It’s a delicate balance, which is why Leonie shares practical strategies to help you manage these sticky situations with grace and empathy.
Two Tools for Tough Conversations
Leonie dives into two effective approaches for managing boundary-setting conversations. These approaches don’t just smooth over tension; they can strengthen your relationships while honouring your needs.
1. Use ‘I feel’ Statements
If someone’s behaviour creates friction between you and your partner, it can feel easiest to blame. But as Leonie points out, stepping away from blame can sometimes bring you closer. Instead of saying, “Your mum is driving me up the wall!” try framing your feelings thoughtfully to de-escalate the conversation.
For example, you might say, “When we talk about your mum’s expectations around feeding, I feel really stressed. I’ve listened to her advice and appreciate she’s coming from a good place, but I’d like to stick with what feels right for us.”
This simple yet powerful shift keeps the conversation constructive rather than confrontational. It allows your partner to better understand how you’re feeling and opens the door for collaborative solutions.
2. The Sandwich Approach
Sometimes, it’s necessary to address concerns directly with the person involved. Leonie shares her go-to technique for these tricky chats – the sandwich approach. Here’s how it works:
- Start with a compliment to show you value the person.
- Share your concern gently and clearly.
- End with something positive to reaffirm your affection and respect for them.
For instance, you could say to a well-meaning mother-in-law, “I love and respect you, and I know you have our best intentions at heart. Sometimes, though, it feels overwhelming when advice is offered when we’ve already made a decision. I want you to know I appreciate your care, and I really value our relationship. I know you just want to help.”
This approach keeps the conversation balanced and compassionate, which can reduce defensiveness and help the other person understand how their actions impact you.
Boundaries Make Space for Stronger Relationships
Navigating tricky dynamics with loved ones isn’t easy, but setting boundaries doesn’t mean closing doors. It’s about cultivating healthier, more respectful interactions that allow your family to thrive. With tools like ‘I feel’ statements and the sandwich approach, along with a hefty dose of kindness, you can tackle these challenges head-on without adding extra stress to your life.
Want more relationship insights from Leonie? Make sure you follow us on Instagram to watch all Leonie’s Q&A videos. You’ll come away with reassuring advice and actionable tips to help you move forward confidently in all your relationships.
