Relationships can take a wild turn when you become a parent. The connection you once had with your partner can feel tested in new and unexpected ways—which is why we’re thrilled to release the first part of our content series with Leonie Akhidenor from The Parenthood Podcast. This series dives straight into the heart of how parenting reshapes relationships, tackling the questions that leave you wondering how to keep the spark alive while managing the chaos of family life.
Leonie is an expert in parenting and relationships with a knack for keeping it real. She’s a relationship coach, entrepreneur, and yes, a parent herself. She hosts The Parenthood Podcast, a space dedicated to tackling the realities of parenthood with honesty, humour, and practical advice. If anyone knows their way around the often tumultuous world of relationships post-kids, it’s Leonie.
In this episode, Leonie takes on a big one (and we mean big)—how having kids can change your relationship dynamic and what to do when you feel like all the responsibilities are landing squarely on your plate. Spoiler alert: you’re not the only one feeling this way.
"No One Told Me the Relationship Dynamic Would Change!"
Ah, the cold shower of reality. When you’re in the baby haze, there’s a lot that people don’t warn you about. One of the sneakiest curveballs? How becoming parents completely shifts the dynamic between you and your partner. One moment you’re binge-watching Netflix and ordering late-night pizza, the next you’re arguing about whose turn it is to wash the bottles.
Our first parent-submitted question drives right into this territory:
"No one told me how much the dynamics in my relationship would change after having kids! Tips for evening up the balance of responsibilities so it’s not all on my list and I don’t end up resenting my partner!?"
Leonie didn’t hold back. Here’s what she had to say:
Yes, It’s Hard. (Like, Really Hard.)
Leonie acknowledged something most of us don’t say out loud often enough. It’s hard. Trying to juggle parenting, relationships, and your own mental health can leave you feeling like you’ve entered a competition you didn’t sign up for. Add an unbalanced division of responsibilities, and frustration can bubble over into resentment. And honestly? That resentment can wear down how you feel about your partner.
The good news? It doesn’t have to stay that way. Leonie shared a simple yet game-changing approach to start leveling the playing field.
Step 1: Get Crystal Clear on What You Need
Take stock of your mountain of daily tasks. Which ones are tipping you into overwhelm? Be specific. Instead of thinking, “I need help,” try narrowing it down to, “I need someone to handle the Monday morning chaos of childcare drop-off.” Knowing the exact tasks you need support with makes the next step easier.
Step 2: Ask for Help (The Right Way)
We get it, asking for help can feel tricky—but here’s where Leonie’s golden advice shines. Find a quiet moment when the kids aren’t being tiny tornadoes and use “I feel” statements to keep things non-confrontational. For example, “I’m feeling stretched thin trying to handle everything on Monday mornings. Would you have time to take over the childcare drop-off?”
Not only does this get right to the point, but it also opens up a conversation rather than a debate.
Step 3: Build Routines That Stick
Randomly assigning tasks might work... for a week. But if you’re serious about shifting the balance for good, make these changes part of your family rhythm. This ensures no one has to continuously guess whose turn it is (and it cuts down significant eye-rolling).
Step 4: Bring Out the “Fair Play Cards”
Here’s a fun and practical tool Leonie mentioned. Grab a set of Fair Play cards, a system designed to help families divvy up the “mental load.” From laundry to meal planning to doctor visits, these cards cover the full scope of household responsibilities and help you divvy them up fairly. Because mental load? It’s a real thing, folks.
Start the Conversation
Leonie’s wisdom boils down to this: It all starts with clear communication. Shifting dynamics in a relationship can be tough, especially when the energy and time you once had for each other gets eaten up by parenting responsibilities. But tackling the challenge head-on doesn’t just ease the load. It can also lighten the tension and bring you closer as a team.
This is just the beginning of the pearls of wisdom from Leonie in our collab. If you’re hungry for more relatable, practical parenting advice make sure you follow us on Instagram to watch all Leonie’s Q&A videos. Parenting might not come with a manual, but having the right voices at the table can make all the difference.
And hey, next time you argue over who takes out the trash, just remember—we’ve been there too.
